Divorce Lawyer Chronicles - A Life in the Law

Few people who are beginning the divorce process realize how exposed they will be to scrutiny.  Certainly you will have to disclose many, if not all, of your most private affairs to your lawyer and her staff.  Do you spend too much?  Are you bouncing checks?  Do you drink too much or visit porn sites?  All of those facts will likely come out in the process of completing the divorce.

When there is a contest over custody or parenting time with a child the most intimate details of your life will be discovered, disclosed and examined in the process of evaluating what will be in the best interests of the child.  When spousal support and child support are at issue every check you write and charge you make will be subject to scrutiny.

Added to that will be the fact that your soon to be former spouse will likely reveal all unflattering details that can be disclosed to gain a wedge in the battle.  You must realize that, during a divorce, all of your emails and postings to FaceBook will be reviewed as well. 

Here are some steps you can take to protect your private information:

• change all your passwords and security settings
• increase your security settings on social network sites - remove friends who will give access to your site to others like your spouse
• don't text or email something you don't want to have to explain later
• don't post pictures of yourself drunk and half undressed
• remove questionable postings you have made in the past

As they used to say on Hill Street Blues " Be careful out there".

Poised for adoption by the new Republican led Minnesota House of Representatives is HF 322.  This bill is a total reform of family law from a child centered, best interests standard to a parental rights presumption of joint legal and physical custody.  The burden of proof will be on the opponent to the joint award, and a mighty burden it will be; “(d) Allegations of substance abuse, mental illness, spousal or child abuse or neglect and any subsequent issuance of protective orders are not sufficient to cause cessation or reduction in parent and child contact” emphasis supplied.  The bill goes on to require that when such allegations are made the court must find by clear and convincing evidence that the parent’s behavior would qualify for substantiation of abuse in a child protection proceeding.

The primary proponent of the bill is Molly Olson of the Center for Parental Responsibility.  CPR is a faith based organization.  Molly Olson describes her advocacy of this legislation as a ministry to change family law (skip the first 19 minutes of this radio program unless you want consider the impact of the Da Vinci Code on modern Christianity).  Ms. Olson, according to her bio at the American Coalition for Fathers and Children  has a degree in business communications and  is also a Minnesota Rule 114 certified mediator.  Her mediation business is called FAIR (Family Advocate for Individual Responsibility).  Another good reason to always know who is mediating family law matters.

CPR is also a promoter of Stephen Baskerville of American Coalition for Fathers and Children, where they both sit on the board of directors. Baskerville is a vocal, vitreolic  and quite vague critic of the child focused family law systems in the United States. Check out his YouTube video if you want to get a full sense of what is driving this horrific bill in the Minnesota legislature.

Contact your legislators now.  Click here to find out who your representative is and contact them now.

I have written and spoken often about dealing with difficult clients.  In over thirty years of practice I can tell you that not only has nothing changed managing clients but it has become even more difficult.

The expectation of immediate response means it is difficult to respond in a thoughtful and considered manner.  The promise of a paperless world has resulted in daily flood of information and demands that means that what had once been a moment in time to review the mail and consider a response had now been extended to the entire day.

Reflection on the request, on what should be the next step and what does this client really want, is still necessary to make a competent decision.  What do you do to ensure you make the time to reflect?

In the United States when a child is abducted by a parent the first thing to do is contact the police with your custody order in hand and all the concrete information you can supply about the other parent; including social security number, driver's license; motor vehicle information and license, contact information and extended family members contact information.

In many states the wrongful taking has to be for an extended period of time before the police will intervene.  Simple things like tracking the abducting parent by tax returns will only be possible if the existing laws are changed.

If there is any possibility of international travel contact the U.S. State Department to create an alert.

Quebec will be rewriting the family code to permit application for alimony or spousal support by unmarried persons.  Determining the denial of the right to seek support due to a lack of marriage certificate was unconstitutional the Superior court ruled the live-in girlfriend of a millionaire was entitled to pursue more than just child support.

I doubt we will be seeing a similar ruling in the lower 48 since the political winds are so strongly pro-marriage.  Living together without the obligations and benefits imposed by legally sanctioned marriage seems like freedom to many.  But as weekends, stretch into weeks and then months and years the risks far outweigh the so-called freedom.

Elements of family law that address the inequalities of family life serve a purpose.  Child support to address the costs of raising a child; spousal support to address the lost opportunities when one spouse has a reduced or non-existent career.  When a couple eschews marriage it is inevitable that eventually one in the partnership enjoys greater financial success than the other.  The less financially secure partner becomes more vulnerable as time passes, assets accumulate in one name alone and the risk of tipping the power imbalance becomes more intolerable.

If two individuals, when they first become a couple, have equal or comparable assets and equal or comparable incomes then it is only when children arrive that the balance begins to tip in favor of the partner who is not primarily parenting.  If no children are born the balance of economic power between the couple should remain intact.

Most couples, however, are not at the inception and certainly not throughout the life of a relationship, economic equals.  Slight disparity in the beginning escalates over time, assets accumulate more assets.  Incomes in some positions of employment grow rapidly while in others they stagnate.  Even if no children arrive the risks are huge for the less well economically situated partner in the couple.

Palimony, the pursuit of support for a dependant partner in an unmarried relationship, was genesis of the mostly complete barrier compensation for a dependant partner in the couple.  The next step will have to be recognition of civil partnerships at the state level; which is this political atmosphere seems a long way off.